Here in Indiana we have endured a rather rough winter season. A Polar Vortex along with sky-high egg prices, when you can find them. Yes, life isn’t perfect here in the Hoosier state and it’s often difficult to keep up, let alone get ahead, in this world gone mad. I mean sure, we don’t suffer from wildfires, hurricanes, or earthquakes, but did you see ticket prices for the Taylor Swift tour when it swept through the Heartland? And when was the last time the Colts made the playoffs?

Sensing the malaise descending over the state, our crack ultra-conservative legislators have been burning the midnight oil (literally) to come up with a solution to ‘Make Indiana Great Again’. Though they can’t call it that, trademarks and all that jazz. Their initial plan was to force all the schools in the state to modify the maps in the text books to rename Lake Michigan to “Lake Indiana”. Then someone pointed out something like that was already being done elsewhere, so they came up with what’s an even better plan, and I’ve no doubt those razor sharp minds in Washington will appreciate and quickly emulate this concept…

Instead of changing the name of a Great lake, all the school books in Indiana will be changed to show maps of this state twice as large as actual size. The result will be immediate intimidation of those who wish us ill as they can see for themselves what a large territory they’re messing with. Boom! Instant respect and that warm feeling among Hoosiers that we are finally “great” again.